It’s Not Easy Being Me by Karla Rivas
“The students were reminded by none other than Kermit the Frog that ‘It’s not easy being green.’ They were then asked to consider what about their lives is ‘not easy.’ The students’ essays on this topic were excellent. here is an example.” Don Riesett, Writing Mentor & Teacher
It’s so hard to be this sexy, attractive, cute human being. Everyone wants a piece of me. Especially older men. They were so infatuated with me that my mother told me to stop wearing shorts, short tight dresses, and crop tops. She even tried to bring down my self-esteem by telling me I’m ugly because I’m incredibly huge. But I started to realize she’s only saying that because I’m the middle child and her oldest girl. And to her, that means that as soon as I hit puberty I became a woman and had to start acting like one.
Being the oldest girl from the new generation of immigrants is the most difficult thing. It comes with so much responsibility you are not warned about. If there is a child younger than me in the house, it means I have to be able to take care of them as much as I can, as if I were their mother. It means I have to learn how to cook and clean for my future family but also for the family I am currently a part of. But it also means I have to stay far away from males because, if I hold the hand of a male, I will definitely get pregnant. I don’t have as much liberty as any of the other younger members of my family. I am not allowed to have a boyfriend until I’m 47 and can’t have kids anymore and, if I were to have one, I will most definitely get lynched and disowned.
It’s hard being the middle child and also the oldest girl. Not only does your family view you as grown at the age of 13 but so do other people around you. Especially men. There have been many times when I was younger that older men used to come to me, stare me down, and ask about my age. As soon as I told them I was 13, they would not back up, they would actually get closer. Some tried to get as close as to touch my hands or head, others would try to joke around with me with the stupidest grin I have ever seen. Some got even closer when I was younger than 13, and invaded all of my personal space. Because of these interactions, I have been scared of the male species for the longest time. It is hard to say if I will ever be able to fully trust a male I haven’t been with my whole life.
I dream that I can. I’m not sure if I will be able to fully give myself to someone though. I don’t think it’s hard to trust people, but I think it’s hard to trust them enough to share your deepest darkest secrets. Regardless of all of that, I am actually a very social and talkative person. I make friends easily and I would say a lot of people trust me to tell me enough their personal business. I think that is one thing my family has taught me. They have taught me to listen to other people and act like an older sister, cousin, or friend whenever they need me.
I don’t think it’s so hard for me to be honest. I mean yeah there have been many occasions when I ask myself why I didn’t kill myself then, but I also have a lot of wonderful things and people around me. I have both my little cousins (a.k.a my kids) and all my friends, cousins, and siblings. All of these people are my world and I would definitely take a bullet for all of them. I try my best everyday. If I become rich, they will too. I am very grateful for everyone in my life so far. Even though I have not lived my life fully and I am only 16, I think there are still many other people and experiences I will be grateful for. I want to keep all the people that are close to me now forever.