Man on the Ledge by KennedyLewis
The students were presented with the challenge of coming upon a person perched on the ledge of a tall building in beautiful Los Angeles.
KENNEDY…channels the plight of a world-weary night watchman to deal with the crisis.
Man on the Ledge
I’m so glad I’m almost finished with my nightshift, being an overnight security guard is NOT for the weak. This month alone has made me reconsider my job. I’ve had things thrown at me, people screaming in my face, someone making direct eye contact with me while using the sidewalk as their urinal, the usual. I do one final sweep in front of the building before I head back to the break room. Just as I’m about to head back inside, a woman frantically runs up to me.
(Madisyn): Sir- sir! PLEASE!
I’m NOT in the mood for this, I try to side step her but she rushes to the door.
Kennedy: Ma’am I’m gonna need you to back up from the door, mkay? Before I have to
(Madisyn): Please! I saw a man on the roof- I think he’s gonna jump off!
Kennedy: Mkay so, ma’am- no one has entered this building- alrighty? No one gets past me, NO ONE.
(Madisyn): Can you please just check, I saw him dangling off!
In my mind I have ‘probable’ cause to tase this woman, but I’ve already gotten a few warnings this month for using ‘unethical’ force on civilians- whatever that means. And something tells me if there really is a man on the roof, and he just so happens to be embodying a bird, I’m gonna get into some trouble. I wave the woman off and reluctantly assure her I’ll check on the roof.
GOD, what’s wrong with people these days? Why do I of all people have to deal with this? I just wanted to try and make a pretty buck and now I have to coax someone off the roof. I’m getting flashbacks of the 2020 discord.
It takes me a couple of minutes to reach the top of the stairwell, and by then I’m well out of breath. I push open the door, and low and behold there IS a man on the ledge. He snaps his head towards me when he hears the door shut.
Danny: Don’T Cometh Aught Clos’r!
I raise my hands and slowly inch towards him. ‘’Come on man, you don’t really wanna do this.’
Danny: Nay, nay- I doth! I has’t to! Mine own existence is ruined!
Kennedy: I stop just a few feet behind him, ‘Do you wanna like- talk about it?’
Danny: I’m about to jumpeth and thee wanna ‘talk about it’? Is yond all thee guards very much has’t- what hath happened to propriety- sympathy-
I swivel my heel and walk back towards the door.
Danny: ‘WAIT- prithee, changeth my own intellect, discourse to me! Alloweth me to plead my own case!’
Kennedy: Can you stop talking like that?
Danny: ‘Just a few hours before this, I went to the Casino.’
I already know where this is going.
Danny: ‘I told myself I’d only bring cash- I swear I did! But when I lost..I found myself reaching into my pocket, and then- then draining my savings, and then my- my kids future college fund, and then the lease to my house..’
How’d you manage to do all that in just a few hours? Nevermind. What am I even supposed to say now? Not that I agree with him trying to do his best bird impression. But he’s lowkey right, his life IS ruined. I try to muster up some words, but the man quickly turns back to the edge.
Danny: so coequal thee concur with me, mine own existence is ruined!
Kennedy: I never said all that!
Just as I see him taking a step forward I tase him.
Danny: Nay! nay nay…
God, even the act of saving him feels like a bad act. No wonder they call this place the city of angels.
Kennedy Lewis
September 19, 2025