Blog

The topic was Fatherhood, but the set-up was a video about men who experienced domestic violence as children, then carried it forward as adults, until “fatherhood” changed everything.

RUTH…turns the topic on its head, with her tribute to her mom in “Womanhood.”

Womanhood

Going through domestic abuse is NOT for the weak. It’s something that can scar you for life. I have personally seen my mom go through it on multiple occasions. I’ve mentioned it before when I wrote stories in honor of my mom. 

If some of you don’t know, my mom grew up in El Salvador. She lived in a decently big family that consisted of four young daughters in total and workaholic parents. My grandparents were tired after long days of work and would come home to take care of their children. The way my mom described her story growing up was that she would see her sisters getting beaten by my grandpa. Sometimes it could’ve been because one of my aunts misbehaved or because my grandpa didn’t like something that one of them did. My mom said she was a good kid and never had too many beatings, which I honestly don’t fully believe. She just wants to put up a good picture of herself for us. Still, even through all the hardships, my mom came to the United States to find the means to help her family.

Around 2005, my mom met my dad. They were together for a good three years before my mom got pregnant with Karla. Two months after Karla was born, she got pregnant with me, and nine months after that, her miracle child (me) was born. Since the day I can remember, my parents have never had a good relationship. During my earlier years, a lot of what Karla and I would hear was my parents arguing about finding a way to pay bills, fix all the houses, keep food on the table, and essentially, contribute to the household. Slowly, things would start getting worse for all of us.

The very first time I remember my dad hitting my mom was a day when my aunt was visiting from El Salvador. We had all gone to the mall, but my mom still had to go out to work, so she was working in the kitchen. My dad soon came in and looked more irritated than usual. My mom had asked him, again, for the millionth time, to help her with a bill payment. He said no, and the argument quickly got heated. The next thing I know, I see my dad grabbing my mom’s arms before he slapped her. My aunt had to physically intervene, and Karla and I were told to go outside to play in the pool. It was raining that day, and our pool only had about 4 inches of water. Soon, my dad left for another four months before coming back.

There have been other occasions where my dad has gotten physical with my mom. Once, Karla and I were walking back from elementary school. My mom was out working, and we had no food to eat. My dad was complaining that my mom didn’t care for us. When my mom arrived, she told my dad to at least get us some food. Another argument started that led to my dad pushing my mom against the kitchen table and putting a knife to her face. The very words he said were, “If you don’t shut your mouth, I’ll cut your tongue out.” That was the very first time I was scared of my dad’s physical abuse. He snatched my mom’s phone from her hand and threw it across the room. The one brave thing I did was call the police. By the time the police arrived, my dad was already gone, again, just like the coward he is.

Even after all of the wrongdoings that men have done to my mom, she always finds it in her heart to forgive them. She’s one of the women in my life that I look up to. She went through so much. She, alone, had to take care of three kids, run her business, fix her houses, and pay all of the expenses. She stayed up every night until two or three in the morning, getting her food ready to sell the next day. Some of my core memories were because of her. Because she worked so late, she would wake up in the middle of the afternoon, so Karla and I would wake up early to watch TV and hang out. When we got hungry, we always pulled a chair in front of the stove before cooking eggs and sliced sausages. On the good weekends, my mom would take us out to Chipotle so we could all share a bowl.

Honestly, I’m really glad I grew up this way. I don’t think I would be who I am today without my mom. Even after everything she’s gone through, she continues to work hard for the things she wants. She has never, not once in her life, had something come to her easily. You can still see how tired she is sometimes. That’s why I want to work hard for her. I will take care of her and give her everything she deserves. Basically, what I’m saying is that I love my mom.

Ruth Rivas

March 6, 2026